Reinvention: Fantasy or Possibility?

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be someone else. To be better, to be different. Would my life be better? Would I be happier? Or would things be the same but in a different context and setting? For instance, I've always wanted to know how my life would have turned out if I'd grown up in a small town. Somewhere small enough that a family's secrets are rarely their own. Or what if I'd been the son of a middle-class family instead of growing up in a family where we can afford to be less careful with money? Might I be more modest, less of what some people might call an "uptight prick"? I wonder, and yet I will never know the answers.

In less than 48 hours we will enter the year 2007. With the arrival of a new year comes new year's resolutions. We all resolve to be better this time around. Many strive for things like better diets, more exercise, more reading, less time in front of the TV. Mundane, and to be frank, ridiculous changes.

C'mon, don't argue it. We all say we'll do these things, but we never do. The idealist in me wishes it were more fact than fiction that people could really change the way they act, but the realist in me says it just ain't so. So why make a resolution at all?

I believe it's because we strive for reinvention. We all wish to be better, some even want to be different. And not just different from everybody else, but different from ourselves. It's a way of changing that feels significant, and not so half-assed. You know it's true; to say "I will eat better this year and exercise more" is a lie. It's a lie.

However, we're all allowed to dream. We can wish and hope that things will magically happen on their own, and maybe that's for the best. Dreaming for better things, even if those things are personal traits, is what makes us human, right? And so we step into another year with renewed hope that someday things will change.

Reminiscence...

There are times when I really miss university. I miss the routine of a set of courses each week, most of which could be skipped if the material was online. I miss having friends around 24/7, with whom I would procrastinate (on Facebook). I miss the focused direction of energy during exam periods where you knew what you had to know, and you studied it. Make note, I don't miss exams in the least.

University was fun, it was exciting, it was new. Something was always going on, things were constantly in motion. I feel as though now that I'm in the "real" world, things slow down quite a bit. My job, for instance, isn't as dynamic as McGill campus. I'm stuck at a desk, in front of a computer for 8 hours of a day. For 5 days straight. I don't have the luxury of going for coffee in the middle of the afternoon with friends. I can't spend hours on Facebook because shit needs to get done (not that I would, or did). And I can't skip out on work since my mom is the boss.

But then I remember this time of the year. When McGill managed to muck up the exam schedule such that we'd be writing exams one after another. I remember that instead of being paid, I was paying. I remember how little my existence meant to the university. Life sure has changed in 6 months.

Being a working member of society certainly has its advantages. I get paid every 2 weeks. I can leave my work at work (most of the time). I'm not pulling all-nighters for an exam that matters very little in the grand scheme of things. And I have a say in the direction of my company. No longer am I just a 9-digit number who forks out several thousand dollars per year. Those days are long past.

To think, just 8 months ago, I was suffocating in grasp of McGill's administration. Worrying over my grades and the graduation that got postponed. So much has changed in so little time. Hell, even the city of Montreal is fading in my memory. I'm rediscovering my hometown, reforging relationships with my family. What hasn't changed are the friendships that were forged over the past 5 years. Many did not survive, but many more did. I have a wife now (so-to-speak), and friends I'll be seeing when I get over to the other side of the Pacific. I'm more comfortable in my skin than I've ever been, and I'm moving towards a new destination. A new career.

We all look to the past for inspiration. I think now it's time to look to the future. So here's to walking off into the sunset, and all that lay beyond it....

T'was the Night Before Finals...

T'was the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would free up their thinking.

In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him,
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that
My nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called,
Refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded,
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending,
On grades earned in school.

When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off,
Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
And all of a sudden,
He started to bellow.

"On Cliff Notes and Crib Sheets,
And last year's exams.
On Wingit and Slingit,
And last minute crams!"

His message delivered,
He vanished from sight.
But we heard him laughing,
Outside in the night.

Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All a Good Test!

Good luck y'all, I know you'll do great!!