You've Got Our Attention Now

On Tuesday, April 20th, 1999, two students opened fire on their fellow classmates and teachers in what has been described as a horrendous act of violence by young adults. The gunmen, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, killed twelve students and a teacher, injured twenty-four others, and then turned their guns on themselves. The Columbine shooting remains, to this day, one of the most highly publicized school shootings in North America.

One week later, in Taber, Alberta, a student armed with a .22 caliber rifle shot two students, killing one of them. The shooter, who cannot be identified under the Youth Offenders Act of Canada, got three years behind bars.

On Wednesday, September 13th, 2006, Kimveer Gill entered Dawson College armed with four guns and a large bag full of ammunition. He opened fire on the students, killing one and injuring nineteen others. Montreal police responded in turn, but Gill was the one to put a bullet through his own head.

Last week, Duane Roger Morrison stormed a high school in Platte Canyon. He freed the boys and kept six girls hostages. He sexually assaulted some of the hostages, at which point SWAT surrounded and entered the building. Morrison used the hostages as human shields, fatally shot a girl, and then killed himself.

Two days later, a student walked into his old school and shot the principal. Other students and teachers were able to restrain the gunman, but the principal was beyond saving.

Today, Charles Carl Roberts IV entered an amish school in Pennsylvania with three guns. He opened fire on a dozen girls, killing four, wounding six, and then killing himself. The school was chosen not specifically, but rather because it was nearby.
*EDIT: Two of the injured girls died the following morning in hospital.

People get angry. It's human nature. It's alright to be angry, to be frustrated. But to lash out at other students and children is wrong. There is no excuse for opening fire on a school. There simply isn't any reason for it.

Four of the shooters mentioned above had direct relationships with the schools they attacked. They were bullied, pushed around, mistreated, and for one of them, expelled. The gunmen issued threats, made lists of potential targets, wrote horrible things on websites.

These are only a few of the recorded incidents in recent years involving gun violence in schools. Also worth mentioning was the massacre at L'Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal in 1989, where Marc Lepine killed fourteen women in a gender-directed attack. School shootings, especially those in Canada, mean we need to be more pro-active in how we handle gun violence. We need our teachers to be better prepared to deal with bullying. They need to be able to recognize the signs, and to know when to get help. The difficulty lies in knowing where the boundary is between helping students and getting too involved in their personal lives.

We also need to push for better gun control from the government. With the destruction of the long-running, inefficient, and costly gun registry established by the Liberal government, the Conservatives have a chance to do the right thing and to implement a system that will work. The cynics among you are shaking your heads and saying that very few things that our government do work. I believe Harper will carry through on his promises to continue the dismantling of the gun registry and to have new protocols in place for better gun control. One of the proposed changes will be to have all sales of firearms recorded and stored for as yet indeterminate period of time. Firearm owners will still be required to obtain licenses for purchasing guns, as well as passing safety training courses, and background checks. Additionally, responsibility for the new Firearms Act will be taken away from the Canada Firearms Centre and given to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP).

There is no way to guarantee the successful identification and prevention of such extreme crimes, nor is there a way to help all troubled students and adults, but how can we condemn such things if everyone stands on the sidelines with their hands in their pockets? We must strive to do better, to be there when students need help the most. Otherwise, we're just as guilty as they are.

Additional links:
- Conservative Government of Canada
www.conservative.ca
- Tackling Crime - Effective Gun Control
www.taklingcrime.gc.ca/gun_control_e.asp

10 Ways in Which my Friends Influenced Me

10) Stuff that's gross is now "grooooosssss"
9) "Fuck lah" is permanently embedded in my vocabulary
8) I am a complete and total fashion bitch
7) I miss gambling with cards
6) My other friends think Big 2 is da shit
5) I stalk my friends through their blogs
4) I'm in Burnout withdrawal
3) Finding ways to have sex in new & entertaining ways to outdo their stories
2) The calluses on my thumbs from Street Fighter are finally fading
1) I'm learning Chinese so I can make fun of other people

Searching for What's Already There...

Non quia difficilia sunt no audemus, sed quia non audemus, difficilia sunt.
- It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, but because we do not dare things are difficult.

When I was in Junior High, kids used to tease me. They used to make fun of my clothes, my glasses, my ethics, and my home. Because I lived in Mount Royal, I was one of the "rich" kids. I had money, I had parents who cared. I had everything I could possibly want. They assumed I would get a car for my 16th birthday, that I would go to an expensive university in the States, and that I would eventually inherit millions. Why should I be complaining that my life was difficult?

I cannot say that life has never been difficult for me. Yes, there have been times when I wished things were better, that I might be beautiful and wealthy and intelligent. But happiness is more than that. True happiness is to be happy with oneself. To be proud of who we are. As a child, I struggled with homosexuality. I struggled with an aptitude for learning. I struggled with family issues. It was years before I came to terms with each of these issues. These are my life's milestones. Learning to accept that I might be different from others is, and always has been troublesome, but never impossible.

Years ago, I could watch a movie only to come out of it wanting to be like the characters in the story. I wished for super powers, for irresistible charm, for bravery beyond measure. And for days afterwards I'd be those people; I tried to emulate these qualities. And why not? They lived fantastical lives, they got what they wanted, and in the end everything worked out to their benefit. But that's not reality.

I learned very quickly that reality is not like the movies. That life is not so simple as saving the girl (or guy) from danger, struggling with personal conflict and then overcoming all obstacles. Reality is like an unexpectedly cold shower. It hits you with such force that you are jolted to the point that reverie becomes impossible.

And so I began to face my inner demons. I learned self-confidence. It was self-taught, but it came with time. I learned what it meant to be ambitious. To seize what I wanted and to hold onto it for dear life. I learned what it meant to be abandoned. Now there's a lesson you never forget. All these things I forged through my experiences. Extracting meaning from hardship was my way to progress.

One of my ex's (for simplicity, let's call him Bob) said to me as he was dumping me, "How can we be happy if you're not happy with yourself?" My immediate reaction was that he was an arrogant and pompous bastard; how could he claim that I was unhappy in my own life?! How could he possibly know what I was feeling? A year and a half later, I found myself in a similar situation but this time I was not on the receiving end. It wasn't until that point that I realized how right Bob had been. Inner happiness must come before happiness shared with another human being. This is a lesson I live by, a mantra of sorts.

My friends, my family, my health, these are all things that raise the bar for me. They do not give me a reason to live because I already have myself for that. But they make my life richer. Were I to meet someone tomorrow, he would raise the bar even more, but it would not be so that I could reach that base level of happiness, for I'm already there.

"I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands" sings Darren Hayes of Savage Garden. He sings the truth, we put too much emphasis on other people for our own happiness. How many times have you thought you'd be happier on a Friday night if only you had company? We depend on others to make us happy. We rely on them to bring us joy. This need not be the way things go. In fact, it never has to be this way. You are equipped to find happiness in your own life, you just need to learn how to see it.

Old Flames Never Go Out

When you love someone, they're with you forever. You never forget them, nor do you ever really let go of them. No matter how hard you try, it's impossible to completely move on. I have been lucky enough to experience this twice in my lifetime. But that just means I've suffered twice the pain of losing them.

Many of you don't remember Michael. Michael was my first love. I've probably told some people I didn't really love him. I've told others that I did. The truth is that I really did love Michael. He was real, he was honest, and most of all he trusted me. He confided in me. He also betrayed me. He left me hanging and just disappeared. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I scared him with what might have been considered "puppy love." Or maybe he loved me enough to scare himself. I don't know. It's been 3 years and still no word. Where did you go, Michael? Are you still at Cambridge University doing your research? Have you forgotten my promise to you? Do you even care?

I met Michael through one of my old roommates. We became fast friends, and were soon meeting regularly for coffee. Then going to see movies. Cooking dinners. Hanging out. Going to parties. Clubbing. We got close, but I was afraid. I was afraid that if I let him in, our friendship would be ruined. I had no basis for this fear, but we all know that fear is irrational. What if we broke up? What if he cheated on me? What if, what if, what if. It wasn't long before my reluctance to get closer pushed him into the arms of another guy. Before I knew it, I was jealous. That should be me, dammit. I should be the one staying overnight. I should be the one getting that kiss goodnight. You know how it goes. Soon enough I was concocting plans to split them up. But I got to know the boyfriend. I started to like him. He was nice. Innocent. Pure. I was sick with confusion.

They eventually split up on their own. It was around this time that Michael applied for the Rhodes Scholarship. He made it all the way to the final interview, but was turned down for another proposal. It was devastating. If you've ever known someone who's applied for the prestigious Rhodes Scholarship then you know how rigorous and stressful the process can be. I stood by Michael through it all. I was there, when he needed help.

The following year he applied again. Once more through the hoops and mazes, the applications, the personal statements, the interviews. He was exhausted, but buoyed by his continued success at each level of elimination. And once again he made it to the top. He bought a new suit, cleaned up his look, stood tall and walked into the final interview. I had planned a dinner party for him to celebrate his making it this far at Bice, a classy restaurant on Sherbrooke Street. His best friends would be in attendance, and I would be there next to him. The interview was early in the morning. It wasn't until shortly before the party that I finally got a hold of Michael. He had spent the entire afternoon in a theater, watching movie after movie after movie until he couldn't sit there anymore. The news had come early and for the second year in a row he was turned down.

I couldn't support him on my own, so I literally dragged him over to the restaurant. We arrived early, and sat patiently until the others arrived. Dinner was fabulous, but draped in a mood no one could shake. Michael came home with me that night. I was afraid to leave him alone, for even the shortest time. What happened that night is between us, but suffice it to say that I did everything I possibly could.

Soon thereafter, he was accepted into the Commonwealth scholarship and would be studying at Cambridge in the UK. The months flew by until that moment where we said goodbye. Things had changed rapidly since his acceptance into the program, and the parting was difficult. That was the last time I ever saw or heard from Michael.

My second encounter with love was at a bar. Unity, to be precise. Vin picked me. The rest of the story is written elsewhere, and need not be told again. Just know that since then he has been travelling around Europe, doing modeling gigs for various companies. And unlike Michael, Vin keeps in touch. He writes occasionally, to tell me of the adventures he's had, the jobs he's worked, and the places he's visited. I miss him, but I'm happy for him. Happy that he has found success at what he does best, and that he is enjoying every minute of it.

Life is about experience. We live a short period of time, but we meet so many people. I learned from my mistakes with Michael. I learned to just let go and let my emotions guide my actions. Vin left on a high note. It was sad, and it hurt a lot, but it was also joyous. Because we tasted the purest of feelings, and were able to share it with each other.

I miss both of you, and I think of you often.

Superstitions

Many of you know that I have never, nor will ever touch an open umbrella indoors. This is a superstition. By definition, a superstition is an irrational belief that events are consequential of certain actions without a causal relationship.

As a logically-inclined, and scientific person, it may seem paradoxical that I would believe in superstitions. Some other superstitions I believe in:

I would not live or work on the 13th floor of a building (which is generally not a problem since most buildings don't even have a 13th floor).
I would never break a mirror.
I would never walk under a ladder.
I would never give a knife as a gift.

Superstitions. Fate. Destiny. Luck. These are all illogical and irrational concepts, thus no logical or rational explanations are possible. Many have tried to rationalize superstitions, but there are faults in the logic behind such attempts.

Take "Post hoc ergo propter hoc" as an example. It means, in Latin, "after this, therefore because of this" or "if after, then therefore, because." Events follow a temporal sequence, that is to say, the effects can never occur before the cause. This logical sequence, however, is false in that a temporal sequence does not necessarily imply that the effect is the result of the initial action. So if you walk under a ladder and then get hit by a car, it is false to assume that the action of walking beneath a ladder is the cause. There isn't a direct causal relationship, thus associating one with the other is incorrect. Luck is also considered a belief in the Post hoc logical fallacy.

What we cannot yet measure is oftentimes referred to as the supernatural. Rationalists believe this to be hocus pocus, non-sense, or plain old ignorance. They believe that the Universe can always be measured or observed based through the scientific method. Whatever is still immeasurable is simply beyond our level of technology. For example, it was once believed that bad weather was caused by angry gods. With time, we have devised methods of predicting the weather and measuring it by careful and precise observations. We now know that weather is not controlled by the gods, but rather by other environmental factors.

As a scientist, I believe in proof, hard evidence of things like gods and deities. We have yet to receive that proof, as theists are asked to blindly place their faith in a higher power. However, science does not rule my life. It does not maintain an iron grip on my perception of reality. And so I indulge in wishful thinking. That perhaps there might still be some mystery in the world. I believe that not everything can be measured. That even with time and technology, we cannot and will not be able to measure everything the Universe has to offer. Chaos, is one of those things. Chaos cannot be measured. It cannot be quantified. We can define it, give it a description, but we cannot measure it. Like many things, chaos is simply beyond our control.

If the Universe is infinite, and it takes us time to understand concepts such as infinity, then isn't it possible that we will spend an infinite amount of time attempting to understand an infinite number of concepts, ideas, and phenomena? And with that in mind, isn't it even remotely possible that there are things out there that we cannot explain? I choose to believe in that possibility. That no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to fully and truly quantify the Universe.

Superstitions are not just deviations from science and logical thinking. They are a tolerance for the unknown. They allow us to imagine; a qualtiy some people consider a defining quality of mankind. So rather than stuff the Universe and the world around us into a box, I choose to let it run free. Just let yourself go, and see what happens...