What's Missing from My Life?

I have always believed that a person should be complete on their own before seeking out a partner. To do otherwise might lead to using partners as ways of getting to that minimal level of happiness. Having now been single for almost a year (a week after Valentine's Day will make it exactly one year since my last "date"), I'm beginning to wonder if that's true.

Since I arrived back in Calgary, I wondered if opportunities to meet people would improve. Maybe I might find someone right here in my own hometown. It seemed almost impossible, since Calgary isn't exactly the most liberal city in Canada. There were several instances where I certainly had the opportunity to "make a move", but I told myself "I'm leaving in a few months, why start anything now?"

As time wore on, I began to feel more and more alone. I felt unhappy, dissatisfied with my life and my current state of mind. Falling back on my belief system, I told myself that it would be impossible to find someone if I couldn't rediscover my own happiness within myself. I had to improve my self-confidence and self-esteem if I was to find another human being to share myself with.

The problem is, couples are everywhere. For instance, just last week I was wandering around West Edmonton Mall and noticing just how many couples there were around me. And yet, for almost a year I haven't had a single date. Not one. That's the problem, I am constantly reminded of how many people in my life have others to share theirs with. No matter how much time I spend meditating, trying to find that inner happiness that once fueled an ability to go up to virtually anyone and ask for a phone number, it eludes me still.

I question myself daily: do I need to be complete before finding someone else, or can someone else help me to become more complete once again? Have I subconsciously shut the world out in an effort to regain my inner balance, or is this the point where I swallow my pride and ask for support from another person?

The answers remain distant, but I know they're there. It's just a matter of time before I figure it out, and maybe this is meant to be. Maybe I need to hit the bottom again before I can start climbing up again. And if that's the case, then I would gladly let go to speed things up.