Superman...You'd Better Be Worth It!!!!

*** SPOILERS ALERT (THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT X-MEN:THE LAST STAND)***


Went to see X-Men: The Last Stand on opening night with Suling. I can't remember the last time I was so disappointed by a sequel. Well actually, I can (yes you, Neo).

So we arrived early so that we'd get good seats, waited for over an hour in line, and when we finally sat down, the woman next to us suffocated both of us with her immensely bad B.O. It was TERRIBLE!!! OH THE HORROR!!! People really need to learn to shower more often.
Anyways, once we became semi-immune to the rancid smell coming from our neighbors, the movie began. As with any highly anticipated cinematic experience, Suling and I were so pumped to see this final installment of X-Men. When I first heard about this movie, I prayed and prayed that Bryan Singer, his writing crew, and all the actors would come back for this last one. Alas, Brett Ratner couldn't fulfill his role as director on the Superman Returns project, so Bryan Singer stepped up to take his place. Unfortunately, the studios didn't want to wait for Bryan so they pushed ahead with the third installment in the series. In light of his separation from the Superman project, the studios put Ratner in charge of the X-Men movie. This was a horrible mistake.

The first of the disappointments was the absence of Nightcrawler. Having been a key player in the second movie, his presence was sorely missed. Furthermore, many fans were looking forward to a) hearing more his hilarious lines and b) seeing his "bamf" moves.

Following this, was the showiness of the new characters, most of whom have been added merely for aesthetic reasons. Angel, announced and marketed as one of the coolest of the new mutants, soon became forgettable and lame. Beast, played by none other than Kelsey Grammar (of Frasier fame) did an excellent job with Hank McCoy's lines, but lacked the physicality of Beast's portrayal. Arclight and Kid Omega (a different version of Spike, Ororo's nephew from X-Men: Evolution) seemed empty and devoid of any real substance.

Next came the deaths of several major characters. Scott Summers is dead within the first 20 minutes. That's right, Cyclops is dead before the movie has even begun. Then Professor Xavier is killed off. Seriously, I'm not kidding! And then at the end Jean Grey is killed (and with her, the Dark Phoenix; more on her later). Now, I know this was supposed to be the last of the X-Men movies (other than the Wolverine and Magneto spinoffs), but to kill the Professor and the team leader?! That just ain't right...or fair. Furthermore, Mystique's shape-shifting abilities, once so craftily infused into the action, are eliminated by the "mutant cure".


Finally, the biggest of all disappointments was the portrayal of the Dark Phoenix. To those, for whom the comics were a big deal, the storyline of the Dark Phoenix was a major one. The original story-arc is as follows: Following a major victory on Asteroid M, the X-Men board the X-Jet and return to Earth. During this flight, they encounter some troubles and Jean Grey attempts to shield the ship from danger. A powerful (and immortal/indestructible) being known only as the Phoenix, possesses Jean and feeds her immense powers. Wielding the cosmic abilities of the Phoenix, Jean is successful in returning the X-Men to Earth, but she goes down with the ship. The Phoenix places the real Jean in a coma and seals her in a coccoon at the bottom of a lake. A clone is created and the Dark Phoenix is born. Reigning destruction all around her, Scott confronts the creature and convinces what's left of Jean in the clone to fly itself into the Sun, destroying the Phoenix creature. The true Jean is brought back to consciousness and life returns to normal.

Many remember the Dark Phoenix as a flaming (and not in the gay sense) bird which surrounded Jean's body. Her powers were tremendous, and exceeded those of even the exalted Professor X. Ratner has instead chosen to do a more catatonic version of the Phoenix, using CGI to alter Jean's face into a more demonic and venomous being. The transition, albeit smooth, is lacking in strength and power. Missing is her scathing, greedy, regal-like persona which entranced many readers. The flames make no appearances, as they did in X2: X-Men United, and the bird is not seen at all (many remember its outline at the bottom of Alkali lake at the end of X2).

All in all, Brett Ratner has done the X-Men franchise a disservice by directing this movie, and should be summarily executed for effectively killing most of the characters. I DO NOT recommend this movie to anyone. Save your cash, rent it if you must, but do not support Ratner in this endeavour or the studios who stupidly decided that patience is no longer a virtue, instead placing value on franchise revenues. Goddammit Singer, Superman had better be worth it if this is the price we had to pay...