When Shit Hits The Turbine...Fire is Sure to Follow

Labour Day weekend is fast approaching, and travel plans are coming together. I intend to fly out to Vancouver that Saturday morning and back to Calgary Monday night. This, however, is not without comlications.

Like always, I book my flights through the Air Canada/WestJet websites, both of which are very easy to use and simplistic in nature. The problem is that they are at times too simplistic. Yes, I am referrring to the "Travel Advisory: Security Enhancements" notifications. It seems that each day since those goddamn terrorists were apprehended, there are new restrictions on what we can and cannot bring onboard an airplane.

The most obvious of these items are liquids. According to Transport Canada's website, the following items are prohibited:

"Liquids or gels in containers of any size include: beverages, shampoo, suntan lotion, creams, toothpaste, hair gel, and other items of similar consistency. Aerosols include: hairsprays and deodorant. Passengers should pack liquids, gels or aerosols in checked baggage."

This, I'm not sure I completely agree with. Consider the Shoe Bomber. A man retrofits his sneakers with explosives in order to blow himself up onboard a flight. He's caught, the danger revealed, and passengers are safe once again. Based on this incident, are we prohibited from bringing our shoes and assorted footwear into the cabin of the plane? No, we most certainly aren't. So why are we now prohibited from bringing liquids onboard? It's completely unrealistic to think that by preventing passengers from bringing certain items onboard, they can prevent an aerial disaster. All they're doing is guiding the direction of creativity that these people seem to employ. No liquids? Fine, they'll find other methods of delivery. Instead of being proactive and putting money into researching measures of detection, they're picking up the slack after the fact. As usual. (Think 9/11 if you don't believe me.)

In the UK and the US, laptops and other electronic devices are no longer permitted onboard. This is going too far. What happens to businessmen and women who travel for work, not bringing anything more than their laptops or PDAs? They are forced to check this luggage, further increasing the risk of personal theft and damage to said items. And iPods? Please. It is fully unreasonable to ask all passengers to pack their portable entertainment for the sake of safety. The Transport ministers are taking these security measures too far.

All of that being said, what really irks me is the lack of consistency across the country. While attempting to book my flight, I was presented with the option to have only carry-on luggage. To save $5, I agreed to not check any baggage. This is nothing new, of course, and is a wonderful feature since some trips do not require that much packing. The problem lies in the fact that no one seemed able to tell me what I could and could not bring. This morning on Canada AM (a morning TV show that airs across the country) they announced that laptops and personal entertainment devices would no longer be allowed onboard flights. As a reporting agency, you would expect that they got their facts straight. Well, I called Transport Canada to find out what their policies were on the subject. All they could tell me was that no liquids or aerosols of any kind were allowed. No one could confirm if I could bring my laptop or not. So I called Air Canada. Same answer. They told me to call the airport from which I would be departing as each airport apparently has its own policies. So I called the Calgary Airport Authority. AGAIN, same answer. The woman finally gave me the phone number of the company that runs security in the Calgary Airport. The man who answered was at last able to confirm that within Canada, laptops and other electronic devices are in fact permitted onboard airplanes as part of carry-on luggage. To sum up, the Federal level officials were not able to answer my question. The carrier was not able to answer my question. The airport was not able to answer my question. Only the security company at the end was able to answer me. Does that make any sense to you?

The final point I want to make here is that had I not followed the trail laid out ever so carefully by these different organizations, I might very well have ended up at the security check-point having checked my baggage and left with no one and no where to leave what is now being called contraband.

Given all these resources, one would think that getting a simple answer to a simple question would be easy. It's not, of that I can assure you. So, to conclude this extremely long-winded anecdote from my morning at work, call the airport to find out what you can and cannot bring onboard before you fly. At the very least, they can give you a number to call to find out more.

Goddamn I hate flying.